I was talking to Albin on msn last night, after many weeks and months since we last contacted ever since he started work in Malaysia. I miss those days when we work together man!
He made me ask and answer myself a few questions that requires a lot of thinking with a calm heart. And i couldnt really find the answer because in actual fact, im one big contradiction.
So i told him that my heart and mind just doesnt seem to agree and go together, and asked him if i should follow my heart or let my mind take control. And all he said was, "i cannot teach u what to do, amber is the way she is and will have her way to sort her probs out... (",)"
That made me felt very lost all over again. But of course, there was a continuation and he made his stand pretty clear. Likewise, i know that's what im supposed to do. Letting the mind be in control. I wish i could tear my heart open and let it just die.
"Dont you ever understand what im trying to say, dont you ever know that i mean it this way. Dont you ever think about the times we had, and when the blood flows, its the time we all regret."
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I know its selfish to make someone else wait just because i need time to sort out my thoughts when obviously the latter was a better offer. And im sorry, but im glad you could understand. But dont be too nice to me Mr A, cos that way, i'll feel worst.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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